Men on the Verge of a Woman's Nervous Breakdown
by Singing Violin
Summary: Who's a bigger jerk, the one that leaves her, or the one that tries to stay with her?


Title: Men on the Verge of a Woman's Nervous Breakdown  
Author: Singing Violin  
Rating: K+  
Spoilers: Existence, Per Manum, Roadrunners, Within, Millenium  
Keywords: Scully/Doggett UST, Mulder/Scully UST. Doggett POV.  
Summary: Who's a bigger jerk, the one that leaves her, or the one that tries to stay with her?  
Disclaimer: I wish David Duchovny didn't have as much power over Mulder as he did. I wish Chris Carter would create my universe. But since he won't, I'll have to borrow his for a little while. I hope he won't mind too much.  
Archiving: Already archived in Gossamer under a different author name (Pearl) but that name was taken here so I got another one. Feel free to post anywhere.  
Feedback: Please!

I swear I've seen Dana Scully in tears more times in the less than a year I've worked with her than the father of her child has in the eight years he's known her.

Last night I ran into her at the office. I didn't realize she had even come back to work already. I could tell she'd been crying, and I made no attempt to hide it.

I greeted her. "Agent Scully? What's wrong?"

She rolled her eyes. "Mulder's ditched me again."

This didn't sound right. "What do you mean?"

"I mean he's left. He's gone. I don't know where, and I'm in no position to be chasing after him right now. I mean, I've got the baby..." Her voice trailed off. For a minute I was afraid she was going to tell me that Mulder had run off with her kid. Then I noticed she was looking down, and I followed her gaze to the baby carrier on the floor. Not only was she in the office late at night, but she'd brought the baby, who was sleeping peacefully. How clever.

"What are you doing here, Dana?"

That got her attention. She immediately jerked as if she'd been struck. I figured I'd try to strike some humor so as not to offend her; I will not forget the water I got in the face the first time I did that. "May I call you that? I mean, seeing as you're not officially back to work yet, and this is after hours, I figured we might call each other by our first names."

She softened. "Yeah, I guess. Mulder never did. But then again, Mulder never got me a desk in his office." She laughed bitterly. "Skinner's been calling me that too. What the hell, might as well."

"So?"

"So what, Agent Dog...er, John?"

"So what are you doing here?"

"I didn't want to stay at home. That was where he left me the note... at least he wrote one; it's more than he usually does."

"He's ditched you before?" I was astonished. I mean, I knew some of the case files sounded a bit suspicious in terms of why Mulder was out somewhere by himself, but I guess I never figured he'd actually run off without permission. I also think Scully hid it well in her reports, not wanting to get him into any more trouble than he already was. I wonder why she went to all the trouble. From what she's telling me now, he really does seem like a bit of a jerk.

"Oh yeah, all the time. I must have had to save his hide a dozen... or more, maybe a hundred times when he just ran off, without telling me."

"Like you did in Utah?" She winced. I shouldn't have brought that up. "I understood then, though. You were going through a difficult time, what with the pregnancy and Mulder's abduction and all. But Mulder, I just don't get him. Why would he do that?"

She sighed. "I don't know. I really have no idea. I guess I got used to it, though. But I figured, what with having William and all, he might stay and help me out a bit. I guess I was wrong."

"But he's the father?" I had to ask. No one had given me a straight answer thus far, and I figured it was time.

"Well, that's what I filled out on the birth certificate. But the truth is, we don't really know for sure." My eyes widened.

"Oh, no, nothing like that, Agent Doggett. It's just that, well, I asked him to be the donor; I'm infertile due to some tests they did on me when I was abducted nearly seven years ago. So we did the in vitro procedure, but they told us it didn't work. Then he disappeared, and I found myself pregnant, and wondering how."

"You never had sex with him?"

"Now that, John, is none of your business. But for your information, no, we never had sex. In fact, I guess technically I'm a virgin. But that's more than you ever wanted to know about me."

Now that was interesting. I wondered why she was being so open at this particular moment, and it occurred to me that maybe she was hoping that I could help her change that fact. _Whoa, down boy. You're just her partner. She's in love with Mulder. Or is she?_

"I thought you two were..." I had no way to explain what I thought without embarrassing someone in this room.

"Yeah, I guess a lot of people thought that. Even Skinner."

"But you still asked him to be the father of your child."

"Yeah." She was suddenly teary-eyed again, I assume thinking back on the moment when she'd asked him.

"Why did you do it, Dana? I mean, it sounds like he was pretty mean to you, running off all the time, never acknowledging your ownership of half the office and such." Maybe I was investigating this too much, but it really intrigued me. And I guess I do have some invested interest in causing her to realize that she doesn't love him as much as she thought. Whoa. I wonder whether I really have the right to do that.

"He showed me a world I'd never dreamed of. He fascinated me. He took me to amazing places to see amazing things. He challenged me. And he saved my life, many times. Do you know he went all the way to Antarctica to save me from an alien virus? And I don't even know how he cured my cancer. I almost died, and he risked his life, his career, everything, just to save me."

"But he also ditched you, and ignored you, and treated you like his secretary on occasion."

"Yeah, I guess he did. But I expected it. And I figured he'd grow out of it eventually, maybe when he found his sister. Mulder may have treated me like a secretary, but Skinner treated me like Mulder's babysitter more than once. Mulder was scarred from the time he was twelve. He was so emotionally unstable, I'm surprised the FBI took him. That and he must have hidden his colorblindness well, because that would have disqualified him too."

"You never asked him how he got in?"

"I never asked him anything personal. He volunteered a lot, mostly about his family. But it was so heartbreaking that I never wanted to hear more. In any case, I think the Cigarette Smoking Man may have had something to do with his appointment."

I made a mental note to ask about this Cigarette Smoking Man later. "So what you're saying is that he only paid attention to you when your life was in danger, and the rest of the time, he was too self-centered to notice how you felt or do anything about it?"

She stared at me, maybe questioning my impudence, maybe realizing my insight. I may never know. Finally, she spoke again, "wow, maybe. But I'm sure he treated me nicely once or twice when my life wasn't in danger. He kissed me once before he got abducted. On New Year's, 2000. We thought the world might end. Huh. Wow. I never thought of it that way before. I mean, him wanting to kiss me before the world ended. I guess if the world were going to end, my life would have been in jeopardy. His too."

Now was my chance. "You know, Dana, I'm not psychologically messed up. And I do care about you, all the time, not just when your life is in danger. You might consider..." _Hmm, how shall I put this?_

I didn't get a chance to figure that out though, as I received a slap in the face. She glared at me, and said, "Goodbye, Agent Doggett. I shouldn't have come here." Then she picked up the baby carrier, turned on her heel, and left the office. I guess I pretty much deserved it. Can't blame a guy for trying, though. At least I didn't kiss her. God knows what I would have gotten for that.

Damnit, Mulder, do you realize what kind of hell you're putting this woman through? And why do girls always fall for the guys who alternately beat them up and then say sorry and proceed to be nice for a little while until they find a reason to be mean again? Jesus, Mulder, I hope you return from your little vacation soon, so I can kick your ass. Heh, I guess I can't do that, since I'd risk Scully's wrath. She's so protective of you. Though I think it's a good step forward that she's not going after you this time. And I'm not going to apologize if she's in my arms when you return. If she ever approaches the subject rationally, she'll realize I'm much better for her than you.

You know, even if she doesn't ever fall for me, which is likely considering how damn stuck on you she is, I will always be there for her to pick up the pieces when you scatter them in your destructive wake. Farewell, Mulder. Maybe I'll hope you don't return this time.

**END**


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